Unusual Myths We Believed, Back When We Believed
Deconstruction and healing can be long, heavy processes. Sometimes, we have to sit back and laugh at the absurdity of it all. We’re not using humor to minimize the harm, but sometimes a bit of perspective can help us from becoming overwhelmed by the weight of it.
This post is meant to be a light-hearted eye-roll at some of the wild contradictions many of us were taught to accept without question. These are real-life examples I've heard from friends and clients over the years.
Some of these might resonate deeply with you, while others might be completely unfamiliar. Either way, I hope we can share a laugh together about the cognitive dissonance we somehow managed to live with.
The Dinosaur Paradox
Myth #1: Dinosaurs and humans roamed the earth together. Because the earth is only 6,000 years old, obviously T-Rex and early humans (but definitely not cavemen) were hanging out. Never mind what every museum, paleontologist, and geologist says. If Creation Science said it, we believed it.
Myth #2: Dinosaurs never existed at all. The fossils were either placed by God to test our faith or fabricated by scientists to trick us into believing in evolution. Pick whichever explanation makes you feel better about ignoring the evidence.
The Modesty Conundrum
Myth #1: Women must dress modestly because men cannot control themselves. One glimpse of a shoulder, a collarbone, or a bit of cleavage, and men would be overcome with uncontrollable lust. Some girls were even taught that if men and boys saw “too much,” they would have instant, uncontrollable physical reactions. Anyone with breasts needed to protect men from their own sexuality by covering up.
Myth #2: Men are natural, God-ordained leaders who should be in charge of everything. Wait, so they can lead churches, make major theological decisions, and run nations… but they can't handle seeing someone's knees without turning into a raving animal? Because hormones, or something. Checks out.
The Purity Culture Special
Myth #1: Sex is dirty, shameful, and dangerous. Your virginity is like a flower that gets destroyed, or gum that's been chewed, or tape that loses its stickiness. Basically, you're worthless and damaged if you have sex before marriage. Your body is a source of shame and temptation.
Myth #2: Sex is a beautiful gift from God that will be automatically amazing. But ONLY in heterosexual marriage, at which point all the shame instantly disappears and you'll have mind-blowing, perfectly compatible sex for the rest of your life! Just forget about all those years of being told your body was shameful, flip a secret switch on your wedding night, and everything will be perfect.
The “Worldly” Things Problem
Myth #1: Christians should be "in the world but not of it." We were supposed to separate ourselves from secular culture and its evil influences. Don't watch those movies, don't listen to that music, don't participate in worldly activities.
Myth #2: We made Christian versions of EVERYTHING. Christian rock bands, Christian yoga, Christian romance novels, Christian breath mints (you can still find fish-shaped breath mints, if you’re interested!) Basically, we were allowed to consume all the same stuff as our public school friends, as long as it had a Jesus sticker slapped on it.
The Literary Loophole
Myth #1: Harry Potter is dangerous because it promotes witchcraft. Reading about wizards and magic would open doors to demonic activity and make kids want to practice real witchcraft. Books about witches had to be banned. (We have legitimate reasons to boycott Harry Potter these days, but it’s definitely not because of the spells.)
Myth #2: The Chronicles of Narnia is perfectly fine because it's Christian allegory. Sure, it has witches, magic, mythical creatures, and talking animals… but C.S. Lewis was a Christian, so that makes it okay! The magic in Narnia is totally different from the magic in Harry Potter. It’s Christian magic.
The Content Double Standards
Myth #1: Children were kept from anything remotely "worldly" or "secular." We couldn't watch certain cartoons, couldn't listen to secular music, and had our library books screened before we could read them. Every piece of media was scrutinized for hidden messages or ungodly content.
Myth #2: Graphic Bible stories were totally appropriate. Preschoolers learned about Noah's Ark (global genocide), Abraham and Isaac (child sacrifice), and David and Goliath (decapitation). Sunday school flannel boards depicted plagues, crucifixions, and mass drownings. But cartoons with spunky kids were too dangerous for young minds.
The Possessed Objects Department
Myth #1: Specific toys and objects could be vehicles for Satan. Glow worms, Cabbage Patch Kids, Furbies, Pokémon. Basically, if it was popular with kids, it was probably demonic. One family even covered the “Dirt Devil” logo on their vacuum cleaner with duct tape and wrote "dust buster" on it instead.
Myth #2: "Doll" is short for "idol," therefore dolls are evil. One set of parents took this so seriously that their young daughter wasn’t allowed to have dolls. She started making dolls out of everything she could find, like Costco spice bottles and squash. When her beloved squash "baby" got cooked for dinner, there were real tears. Eventually, her parents had to admit that maybe this particular belief was a bit much, and dolls were allowed back in the house.
The Evangelism Flip-Flop
Myth #1: We should love everyone and be welcoming, because that's what Jesus would do. Come as you are! God loves you! We're here with open arms and ready to accept anyone who walks through our doors!
Myth #2: Anyone not like us is dangerous and will corrupt you. Don't get too close to non-Christians, LGBTQ+ people, or anyone who might make you question your beliefs. They're a bad influence, and spending time with them will lead you astray. Keep your distance.
Finding Space to Laugh
If you've reached a point in your healing where you can look back at these contradictions with some perspective and humor, give yourself a cheer! It’s no small thing to be able to laugh about the past.
And if this list of beliefs still feels too close, too painful, or too tangled up in relationships with people you still love, that's completely valid, too. Healing isn't linear, and there's no “correct” timeline for growth.
Some of these myths caused real harm. Some of them shaped how we saw ourselves, our bodies, and our worth. Others just made us throw away perfectly good toys or avoid great music for no real reason.
Wherever you are in your journey, you're doing great. Whether you're laughing, crying, or somewhere in between, your experience is valid. And if you need someone to talk to as you continue processing the contradictions and complexities of your religious upbringing, feel free to reach out for a consult. I'd love to see if I'd be a good fit to support you along the way.
