It’s Really Okay: How To Reclaim Your Inner Basic Bitch
Do you remember the first time you did something just because it was a popular thing to do, and didn’t feel guilty for it? You know, one of those things that most of the population doesn’t think twice about, but you were taught to avoid doing at all costs?
Maybe you were wearing a crop top you had never had the courage to wear before. Maybe it was posting a sexy selfie back when “Thirsty Thursdays” were a thing. Maybe it was blasting your favorite guilty pleasure pop song with your windows down and singing along, swear words and all.
If you’re just now learning to enjoy the “typical” things the world has to offer without feeling shame, you just might be in your basic bitch era. Welcome. Honestly, getting to this point of guilt-free enjoyment isn't easy when you've been taught that popular culture is spiritually dangerous.
The Fear of "Worldly Pleasures"
Most church kids learned early that popular trends, from music to toys to books, had to be carefully reviewed and approved by their parents or church before being enjoyed. Because demons, probably? (My fellow 90s kids will remember the Satanic Panic.)
Being "set apart" meant rejecting anything mainstream, fun, or *gasp* trendy. I remember being taught that caring about fashion, music, or your appearance was evidence of being "worldly" or having misplaced priorities.
The Eternal Battle of "Appropriate" Fun
We learned early to pretend to be disinterested in pop culture while secretly wondering what we were missing. We had to constantly monitor and judge our own desires from a very young age. It was exhausting.
“Do I like this song because it’s actually good, or am I being influenced by ‘the world’? Is posting a photo where I feel attractive a sign of my own vanity?”
Don’t even get me started on the world of Christian music that copied popular tunes, made them worse with “appropriate lyrics,” and re-sold them to the kids who were caught between wanting to be cool and wanting to be pure.
Permission to Be a Basic Bitch
Sometimes healing from religious trauma looks like discovering you actually love all the things you were taught to avoid. And if those things are super basic or trendy, who cares? Drinking pumpkin spice lattes doesn’t turn you into a ditsy mean girl any more than playing D&D invites demons into your house. (Which is not a thing. Just to be clear.)
From Hymns to Hits
The journey from "secular music is forbidden" to having Sabrina Carpenter on repeat is often one of the most liberating parts of leaving strict religion. I'll never forget the first time I let myself actually listen to pop music without immediately analyzing the lyrics for spiritual danger.
For me, it was One Direction. It really matched my inner teenage feelings (in my mid-20s), as I finally was experiencing crushes and having big feelings! Blasting “Story of My Life” and singing along without feeling the need for it to be deep or spiritual was priceless.
From Sermon Quotes to Thirst Traps
Moving from carefully curated "good Christian" social media posts to actually expressing yourself online is another common milestone in the post-church journey. Remember when your Instagram was all Bible verses, group photos from church events, and carefully modest selfies?
There's a particular kind of freedom (and terror) that comes with posting your first thirst trap or "inappropriate" meme. Of course, you don’t have to post anything you don’t want to post on social media if you don’t want to or it doesn’t feel good. But if you like keeping up with trends and feel good doing it, go for it!
From “Harvest Festivals” to Halloween
Depending on the kind of church and family you grew up in, chances are you either avoided Halloween altogether (because demons, AGAIN) or dressed up as Bible characters for the annual “Harvest Party” every year.
I know plenty of people who are celebrating Halloween as adults for the first time. It’s the perfect holiday to reclaim the basic fun you didn’t get to have as a kid, whether you decide to host a slutty costume party or spend a wholesome night handing candy out to the neighborhood kids.
“Popular” Doesn’t Always Mean “Shallow”
Rejecting everything popular or trendy doesn’t make you less shallow. Often, it’s just a leftover belief that everything has to have some grand purpose in order to be worth your time. Sometimes, popular things are popular just because they’re enjoyable! Fall decorations are cozy. Sugary pumpkin drinks are delicious.
You're allowed to enjoy things that bring you happiness, even if those things are mainstream, trendy, or considered "basic" by judgy cultural standards. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is embrace your inner basic bitch and give yourself permission to like what you like.
Healing Looks Different for Everyone
If something brings you joy, lean into it. If seasonal drinks make you happy, order them with pride. If you love taking sexy selfies and posting them online, do it. If you want to decorate your entire house for Halloween on the 1st of September because you couldn't do it growing up, go for it.
Your journey away from religious control gets to include pop music, thirst traps, and whatever other "basic" pleasures bring light to your life. Joy is joy, and you deserve to experience it in whatever form speaks to you.
Like What You Like
When you first leave high-control spaces, it’s normal to not be sure what you like. As you learn to listen to yourself about what you enjoy, here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
"Do I actually dislike this, or was I just taught to dislike it?"
“Have I ever given this a genuine try, or have I judged it based on other people’s opinions?”
“Am I feeling uncomfortable because this is something I genuinely don’t like, or because I grew up believing it was bad?”
“Is my subconscious just low-key scared that there’s demons involved somehow?”
Maybe you genuinely don't enjoy certain trends, and that's fine! But if you've never actually tried something because you were taught it was frivolous or inappropriate, it’s okay to give yourself permission to find out.
What "basic" pleasure are you embracing in your post-church life? I'd love to hear about it! Feel free toreach out for a consult if you'd like support in your journey of discovering what actually brings you joy.
