What Does Support Look Like in Scary Times?
If you're trans, neurodivergent, or part of another marginalized group currently being targeted by hostile politics and media, I want to invite you to stop reading, take a deep breath, and maybe check out this post about self care during chaotic times.
Of course, you’re welcome to read on, but if you’re feeling burned out, consider giving yourself the next five minutes to stretch, walk outside, or drink a glass of water instead.
This post is for folks who want to support their loved ones who are feeling the weight of our current social and political climate. It's also for anyone who is in the complicated position of needing to ask for support while simultaneously supporting others in your community.
It’s Normal to Feel Not Normal
We’re all pretty aware that the current political climate has made things particularly scary for most marginalized communities. The fear and marginalization itself might not be new, but for many people I’ve talked to, it feels more immediately threatening and constant these days.
For trans folks, autistic people, and those at the intersection of multiple marginalized identities, things have gone far beyond being strictly political. Watching your basic rights and humanity be discussed as if they are topics up for debate creates a unique form of stress that builds daily.
It’s important to remember that when someone you care about belongs to a targeted group, they're likely experiencing:
Heightened vigilance and anxiety in public spaces
Emotional exhaustion from constant exposure to dehumanizing rhetoric
A sense of betrayal from friends or family who remain "neutral" or “just aren’t into politics”
Physical symptoms of chronic stress (sleep disruption, digestive issues, etc.)
Grief over lost relationships with those who've revealed harmful views
Creating Safer Spaces
One way to support your loved ones is to create spaces where they can breathe freely without feeling the need to defend their right to exist. These are just some basic ideas to get you thinking. Always check in with your people about what their specific needs and desires are when it comes to feeling safe to relax in their environments.
In Your Physical Spaces:
Remove media that encourages harmful stereotypes, even "ironically"
Display visible symbols of support (pride flags, inclusive artwork, etc.)
Invite and respect conversation boundaries around triggering topics
Proactively address accessibility and sensory needs
In Your Digital Spaces:
Moderate your group chats and social media to eliminate harmful content
Share affirming resources without expecting thanks or engagement
Amplify marginalized voices without speaking over them
In Your Conversations:
Actively counter harmful narratives without making the marginalized person do the work
Practice phrases like "That joke isn't funny" or "Actually, that's not accurate"
Be the person who reliably speaks up so they don't always have to
Remember that seemingly small gestures, like correcting the incorrect use of someone’s pronouns even when the person isn't present, can make a difference.
Note: Of course, please never out someone if they haven’t publicly shared their identity as trans, queer, or neurodivergent. It’s a personal choice and could be a safety issue for some folks.
Supporting Without Assuming
Every person experiences challenges differently, and making assumptions about what someone needs can sometimes add to their burden rather than lighten it. Effective support always starts with curiosity.
Ask, Don't Assume:
"What would be most helpful for you right now?"
"Do you want me to listen, offer suggestions, or just be present?"
"I know things have been hard lately. Would you like to talk about it, or would a distraction be better?"
Offering Practical Support:
For high-masking folks or those without as many daily support needs, it can be hard to ask for help with things they feel like they “should” be able to keep doing themselves.
If you’re in a position to do so, try offering practical support for a designated amount of time:
Taking over everyday tasks when executive function is depleted
Offering to attend potentially stressful appointments or events
Creating low-pressure social opportunities when isolation becomes unhealthy
Managing logistics for accessing resources or care
Remember that support isn't one-size-fits-all. What feels supportive to one person might feel invasive to another. Always get consent before stepping in to help with someone’s to-do list.
What if We’re All Struggling?
Many marginalized folks find community with others who share their experiences, which creates a beautiful sense of belonging. It can also create unique challenges when external stressors affect everyone in your circle simultaneously.
If basically everyone in your friend group is trans, queer, neurodivergent, or otherwise marginalized, the conventional supporter/supported dynamics might not be functioning as well right now. “Make sure your cup is filled first,” doesn’t really seem to apply when everyone is collectively out of water.
Creating Sustainable Community Care:
If everyone you know is on the brink of burnout, it might be time to sit down and have some conversations with your partner(s), friends, and chosen family about:
Recognizing and sharing different types of resources within your group (emotional energy, practical skills, financial resources, etc.)
Creating explicit systems for communicating your current capacity levels
Normalizing temporarily stepping back from some commitments without guilt
Developing rotation systems for high-energy tasks
Build connections with allied communities who can offer external support
Sustainable community care isn't about everyone giving 100% all the time. Focus on creating systems where people can contribute what they can, when they can, without shame or pressure.
It’s a good idea to set regular check-in times to discuss energy levels and needs. Structured conversations can help keep the problems you're facing in perspective as something to get creative about together, instead of becoming something that breeds resentment in your relationships.
Maintaining Your Capacity to Support
It’s not selfish to focus on getting the support you need when your loved ones are going through stressful times. It’s actually necessary if you want to be able to show up for them consistently over time.
Setting Healthy Boundaries:
Recognize when you're approaching burnout
Communicate your limits clearly and compassionately
Help create systems that don't rely solely on you
Finding Your Own Support Network:
Connect with other support people and caregivers who understand the challenges
Find spaces to process your feelings without putting it all on those you support
Get established with a therapist of your own, especially if vicarious trauma affects your functioning
Self-Compassion is Radical
It's easy to hold yourself to impossibly high standards of support when you see someone you love being constantly worn down by external factors. Remember that being able to experience rest, joy, and self-compassion is an important part of being able to show up for others.
Give yourself and your loved ones as much grace as you can. We're all navigating unprecedented challenges, and perfection isn’t the goal. Some days you'll have the capacity to show up fully, and other days you'll need to step back and tend to your own needs. This ebb and flow isn't a failure. It's the natural rhythm of sustainable care.
If you'd like more personalized guidance about supporting yourself or your loved ones during these challenging times, feel free to reach out for a consultation. I'd be happy to help you develop strategies specific to your situation.
